How YOU Doin'?

“How are you?” “How you doin’?” “What’s happening?” “What’s up?” “What’s new?” “What’s goin’ on?”

Could there be any questions emptier of substance than these? Yet they are some of the standard informal greetings we give and receive every day. And to make matters worse, we even shorten such already-shallow greetings for no other apparent reason than to save our own breath: “Whaddup?”

Pause for a moment to reflect on the given questions. What do any of them truly mean? “How are you?” That’s a rather loaded question, isn’t it? How am I in what sense: physically? emotionally? financially? relationally? spiritually? all of the above? And do you really have the time for me to answer your query honestly and comprehensively, or are you just breaking the uncomfortable silence between us as we pass each other in the hall?

Or “What’s new?” Well, what’s new with what: world politics? the Canadian exchange rate? personal debt reduction? the tree-pollen count? my blood pressure? These are all things that in some way affect me; which would you like me to address? And before I address them, remind me when the last time was that we encountered each other so I can accurately report on the relevant events which have transpired in the meantime.

Are we beginning to see how ridiculous such questions are? I know a very select few people who actually wait to hear a significant reply whenever they ask a question like, “How are you?” Sadly, that is not the norm.

Let me be the first to confess. I include myself in the great majority of folks who commonly toss out such salutations with no interest in answers. Furthermore, if someone were to give a genuine response for a change, chances are I would regret having ever asked as this would be cutting into precious opportunity for me to get on with my life.

Henceforth, I propose a revolution in salutation. Let’s not ask one more of these kinds of questions unless (1) we have considered whether it is meaningful and appropriate, and (2) we desire and are prepared to listen to a real response. Be warned: attempting such efforts will undoubtedly force us to think and care—two things we don’t much like to do in society. In addition, we may startle people with our break from the usual routine. But this could all be for the best, no? (The answer is yes.)

One more thing. If someone asks the blanket question of how you are (or what’s up/new/happening, etc.), reply with the following: “In what sense?” If they ignore this, it means they had no intent of conversation in the first place. If they stop to think about it, marvelous! And if this angers them in any way, simply redirect their attention to this blog and I will happily bear the blame.

Vive la revolución!